by Dr. Ken Canfield
I loved my wife Dee for 43 years, and together we had the privilege of raising five great children before she passed. Knowing the incredible benefits of a good marriage, five years ago I remarried Michelle, who had never been married nor had children or grandchildren. Michelle joined the Canfield clan with five children, their spouses and now sixteen grandchildren.
Michelle’s entrance into our family has been a blessing and kind of a baptism by fire for her. She has every right to feel overwhelmed sometimes during our big family gatherings or when we’re hosting a group of grandchildren at our house. Frankly, sometimes I’m overwhelmed when all the activity gets chaotic. It’s been quite a few years since I was a father of five active children, and it’s easy to forget what that’s like when I’m not around it every day.
Grandparenting is incredible for both of us.
Remember that as you keep reading. There are so many priceless moments that we wouldn’t trade for anything. That’s the prevalent feeling we both have as grandparents … about 99% of the time. (And I realize that percentage might be very different for some grandparents in different challenging situations.)
What about the other one percent? There are no major questions or regrets at all, just aspects of being a grandparent that we need to prepare for and adjust to sometimes. Call them small inconveniences that come with grandparenthood. (And, again, they’re well worth it!) Here are three that come to mind:
Grandkids break things and make messes.
This isn’t news to anyone. It just comes with having kids around, because sometimes they get careless or excited or frustrated and forget to be respectful of our homes or our stuff. As grandparents, we need to remind ourselves to be patient and understanding and maybe do some childproofing around the house before they come over.
Maybe most of all, we need to remember that our stuff is just stuff. Have you heard of Dr. Richard Swenson’s three rules about values?
1. People are more important than things.
2. People are more important than things.
3. People are more important than things.
We can fix or replace our stuff and clean up the messes, and it might be inconvenient or maybe even expensive. But it’s all worth it to build deeper bonds with our grandkids, and we should make the most of our opportunities to do that without worrying as much about our stuff.
They often bring communicable diseases.
Michelle and I can’t resist our grandkids. I’ll do just about anything they ask, and I love showering them with affection. When one of my sweet granddaughters was younger, whenever I’d see her she would jump in my arms and give me a kiss. I know some families kiss on the lips, and our family doesn’t. But this granddaughter did at that stage, and one day after being with her I started having flu symptoms and was down for a few days.
It happens. I won’t tell you to hold back on affection with your grandkids. Just be aware that they can be germy little lovebugs and take appropriate precautions. Or just plan for a few days to recover after you’re with them.
They think grandparents are rich and can pay for everything.
Everything might be an exaggeration, but quite often grandkids will assume that if they want to do something fun or have a treat of some kind, the answer will always be “Yes.” And that’s good! It’s part of the unique relationship we have and the special privilege we have of “spoiling” them (as long as we don’t take it too far).
For many of us, buying gifts, clothes and trinkets or providing something the grandkids need is a powerful expression of love and concern. Grandparents account for about 13% of the national economy, and we know a good portion of that spending is for our grandkids. It’s one more expression of the joy of grandparenting.
Yes, grandchildren require some adjustments. They don’t always fit easily into our calmer, more relaxing later years of life. But we show wisdom when we put up with some inconvenience and expense for their sake. Most of us probably aren’t even bothered by those things anyway—we’re too busy enjoying our grandkids. And keeping up with them might help keep us young at heart.
What are some of those little annoyances for you, and what’s your overall attitude about them? Join the discussion on our Facebook page here.
