by Ken Canfield, Ph.D.
Grandparenting is one of life’s greatest privileges — but it doesn’t come with a manual. We learn as we go, shaped by our own experiences, our family dynamics, and the unique personalities of the grandchildren we love.
Over the past several months, I’ve been exploring what I call the Grandparenting Skills Portfolio — a framework to help us become more intentional about the role we play in our grandchildren’s lives. It’s built around four callings to embrace and three challenges to navigate. Together, they form a picture of what it means to grandparent with purpose, grace, and lasting impact.
Whether you’re just beginning this journey or you’ve been at it for decades, I hope this framework gives you fresh vision for the influence you can have and the legacy you’re already building. Now that the series is complete, this is your chance to step back and see the full landscape. The overview below will help you reflect on where you are and where you’d like to grow. Take it in as a whole, consider your own situation, and then dive deeper into the areas that resonate most. (Click on any title below to read the full article.)
The Four Callings
Our grandchildren need someone in their corner — someone who believes in them, celebrates their victories, and encourages them through setbacks. As grandparents, we’re perfectly positioned to be that person. We can offer the kind of unconditional support that helps them believe in themselves.
Being a cheerleader means noticing their efforts, not just their achievements. It means showing up — at games, recitals, and ordinary Tuesday afternoons. It means speaking words of affirmation they’ll carry with them long after we’re gone. When a grandchild knows someone is always cheering for them, it changes how they see themselves.
Grandparents can be a safe harbor — a place of comfort, stability, and refuge when life gets hard. Whether we’re helping with daily routines or simply being a calm presence during a storm, the caretaker calling reminds us that our availability and attentiveness matter more than we know.
Sometimes caretaking is practical: watching the kids, helping with homework, or being there during a crisis. Other times it’s emotional: offering a listening ear or simply being the grandparent whose house always feels like home. In a chaotic world, our steadiness can be an anchor. The gift of presence — consistent, loving, unhurried — is one of the most powerful things we can offer.
We’ve lived long enough to learn a few things — and our grandchildren can benefit from that wisdom. The coaching calling invites us to guide, teach, and speak into their lives with insight and intention. Sometimes we’re the ones who can say what needs to be said in a way they’re ready to hear.
Coaching might look like teaching a skill, sharing hard-won life lessons, or helping them think through a decision. It can happen in formal heart-to-hearts or in the natural flow of life — while fixing a bike or baking cookies together. As grandparents, we’re close enough to care deeply but with enough distance to see the bigger picture. Our role is to come alongside, offering perspective and wisdom when the moment is right.
Perhaps the most enduring gift we can offer is a spiritual one. As chaplains, we pray for our grandchildren, share our faith stories, pass on the Scriptures and songs that have sustained us, and model what it means to live with purpose and conviction. Our lives can point them toward what matters most.
This calling doesn’t require a title or theological training — just a willing heart. We can pray with our grandchildren, tell them about moments when God showed up, and write down favorite verses for them to keep. Most importantly, we can live out our faith in front of them — letting them see us forgive, trust, and hope even when life is hard. Your life is the sermon they’ll remember longest.
The Three Challenges
It’s easy to slip into criticism — of our adult children’s parenting choices, our grandchildren’s habits, or the way things are done differently than we’d prefer. But criticism pushes people away. Learning to offer grace instead of judgment protects relationships and keeps the door open for real influence.
The temptation to critique often comes from a good place: we care, and we want what’s best. But unsolicited advice — even when accurate — can feel like an attack and damage trust. Taming criticism doesn’t mean we never share our perspective. It means choosing our words carefully and trusting that our example often speaks louder than our opinions. When we lead with grace, we create space for connection rather than conflict.
Do you ever compare yourself to the other grandparents? Wonder if you’re measuring up? The competition trap can steal our joy and distort our purpose. Freedom comes when we stop keeping score and focus on the unique role only we can play.
Maybe the other grandparents live closer, have more money, or seem to have a closer bond. It’s natural to notice — but dangerous to dwell. Comparison breeds resentment and insecurity, and it takes our eyes off what matters most: the relationship we do have. No one else can be the grandparent you are. When we let go of competition, we’re free to simply show up, love well, and trust that our presence matters.
For some grandparents, the hardest challenge is being cut off from the grandchildren they love. Whether through conflict, distance, or broken relationships, estrangement brings deep grief. But even in the pain, there are steps we can take to keep our hearts soft and hold onto hope.
If you’re living this reality, please know you’re not alone. While there’s no simple fix, there are things that help: grieving honestly, examining our own hearts, reaching out with humility, and respecting boundaries even when they feel unfair. Some grandparents keep a journal — writing prayers and memories as an act of faith that the relationship may one day be restored. Estrangement is not the end of your story.
Building Your Portfolio
No grandparent will do all of this perfectly. But we can grow. We can be intentional. And we can trust that the investments we make today — in encouragement, presence, wisdom, and faith — will bear fruit for generations to come.
“A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children.” — Proverbs 13:22
Download our overview of this framework with key questions and action steps here.
Which of these callings or challenges resonates most with you right now? What’s one area where you’d like to grow? Share your thoughts on our Facebook page here.
Several months ago I had the privilege of sharing this teaching during one of the Legacy Coalition’s “Grand Monday Night” webinars. Founded by Larry Fowler, the Legacy Coalition does excellent work equipping and encouraging grandparents, and their annual Summit is the largest grandparenting training event in the US. Next week (March 19-21), that event will be held in Frisco, Texas. I’ll be speaking, and I’d love to see you there! Find out more and join us.
