by Dr. Ken Canfield
Are there still challenges for grandparents when it comes to balancing work and family commitments?
For many, there are. The stereotype for grandparents is being retired and having lots of time for grandkids and many other things, and that still describes some of us. But today many are becoming grandparents in their 40s and 50s (or earlier), when work is still a big part of their routine. And it isn’t uncommon for those in their 60s, 70s, and beyond to be working full-time or part-time—out of necessity, a desire to keep contributing, or both.
There are also a growing number of grandparents who have taken a primary role in raising your grandchildren. That was probably never part of your plan; maybe you were enjoying the thought of retiring and taking it easy in your later years. But because you’re deeply committed to your grandchildren, and you know it’s the right thing to do, you find yourself in this situation. Or maybe you’re caring for your grandkids three or four days a week and you have a part-time job.
Those work-family tensions are challenges that you probably faced earlier in life, and maybe it’s time to renew some of those habits and disciplines from younger days to make life easier. You are not alone! Many other grandparents are in a similar place.
Below I’ll offer some general thoughts and questions to consider, and they may not all apply to you. Still, I hope you gain an insight or a tip that will be helpful to you.
A Hard Look at Priorities
Work and family are both important parts of life, depending on the specifics of your situation—how many hours you work, your financial situation, and how often your family members (especially grandkids) are available to you. And it’s good to keep asking yourself questions along the way: How much do I need to work? What am I likely missing out on because of it? Where do I want to really invest myself, and what areas of life are less important? Are there other work options that would fit better with my family commitments and desires?
And often there are everyday decisions where this plays out. What’s really important today, and what feels urgent but isn’t that important? Showing up for a granddaughter’s soccer game might be important to you, but completing a work report might seem more urgent. But which is more important to you? It isn’t easy to navigate.
A New Perspective
One key to handling this tension is integration. Instead of seeing work and family as two completely different areas or “tracks” in your life, try viewing them as separate rails which make up one set of tracks. You would do anything for your grandchildren, and that’s why you accepted the tension of being their primary or part-time caregiver while also remaining in the workforce. Although your work and your life at home may often seem opposed to each other, both are part of who you are and how you’re providing for and loving your grandkids. It’s simply a matter of navigating how you’re living out both roles.
Making Daily Choices
What actions can you take? Once again, much of it involves a regular and ongoing evaluation of how things are going. Looking at your work commitments and the role you want to play in your grandkids’ lives, can you realistically accomplish all of that? Do you have enough financially, so you can afford to back off some work hours and do more with the grandkids? Are you driven by giving your grandkids expensive gifts and experiences, possibly at the risk of missing out on time with them?
Maybe your answers to those questions will lead you to make drastic changes of some kind. But there are also day-to-day steps you can take:
- Discuss your priorities with your boss or supervisor. Be candid about times when you need to flex your schedule for family events. Make it clear that you are dedicated to doing your best at work, but that family is also very important to you. Come up with your own win-win solutions or to help reach a workable balance.
- If it’s feasible, turn down or delay extra work opportunities that will likely require compromising time with family.
- Create regular rituals to connect with your grandkids on a schedule that works for you—calls, texts, one-on-one outings or weekend activities.
- Block out time for your own rejuvenation after work, whether you use the time to exercise, take a walk, or wind down a little before engaging with your family.
What’s your best advice for working grandparents? Please share it with others on our Facebook page here.