by Ken Canfield, Ph.D.
My friend Blake focuses on preparing his children and grandchildren for what he calls “the three most important decisions in life.” I’ve found his framework helpful as I think about my own role as a grandparent — and I think it might help you, too.
These aren’t decisions we can make for our grandchildren, but we can influence them. We can pray. We can model what matters. And when the door is open, we can speak into their lives with words that may stay with them far longer than we realize.
Decision 1: Will They Build Their Lives on a Spiritual Foundation?
In the Bible, a young man named Timothy is described as having two people who taught him about faith from an early age: his mother, Eunice, and his grandmother, Lois. These faithful women were vital factors in shaping his spiritual foundation, and Timothy went on to become a trusted leader in the early church.
That’s the kind of influence a grandparent can have. Maybe one of the most important things we can do during this stage of life is help train our grandchildren to know God and follow Him throughout their lives. Some would say their eternal destiny is at stake.
These later years of life come with a purpose — and a big part of that purpose is about investing in the next generations. As long as we have breath, we can support, encourage, and teach our grandchildren.
Author and grandparenting advocate Cavin Harper is a big proponent of this as well. He suggests letting your grandchildren see that your greatest pleasure is to serve and do good for others. Let them see that the reason you find joy in doing good is because of your relationship with God — and He delights in using His people to make a difference.
And if we don’t get to see our grandkids as often as we’d like, we can still pray for them faithfully. That’s something we can do every day, no matter the distance.
Decision 2: How Will They Invest Their Lives?
Every grandchild has talents and dreams. And one of the greatest gifts we can give them is encouragement — helping them see that their lives can matter, that they can make a difference, that the gifts they’ve been given are worth developing.
In his memoir Lucky Man, actor Michael J. Fox writes about his nana as one of the people who influenced him most. She encouraged him to pursue his dream of acting, even when his family doubted. She helped inspire a career she would never get to see.
We never know what conversation or insight will ignite a passion in a grandchild — or become a foundation they build on as they choose a vocation and set goals for their future. So let’s be ready to engage. Ask questions. Listen. Affirm what we see in them that others might miss.
And when we encourage them, let’s think bigger than career success. Let’s help them see that a life well-lived is one devoted to serving others — using whatever gifts they have to make the world better and leave something lasting behind.
Decision 3: If They Choose to Marry, Whom Will They Marry?
This decision will shape your grandchild’s life in hugely significant ways — their daily happiness, their home, their children, and their future.
One of the best things we can do is model a strong marriage. Do your grandkids see you communicating, doing thoughtful gestures, and enjoying the time you have together? That creates a powerful and lasting image. One grandchild wrote:
“I learned from my grandparents that relationships require not just love, but also dedication, sacrifice, strength, devotion, and prayer. Married almost 67 years before passing, they taught me what true friendship and marriage are all about.”
When my daughters were dating, I encouraged them to look for certain qualities when they met young men — things like humility, respect for others, and how they responded to authority. As our grandchildren approach the dating years, we may have opportunities to influence them in this area.
Now, we’re not the primary voices here — that role usually belongs to parents. And we’re certainly not called to weigh in on every boyfriend or girlfriend who comes along. But when the time is right and the door is open, we can share what we’ve learned from decades of experience. A conversation about character, humility, and what makes a marriage last can be one of the most valuable things we offer — if we wait for the right moment and speak with care.
Our Role: Pray, Model, and Be Ready
We may not be in the room when any of these three decisions are made. But our prayers, our example, and our words will have been there long before — and that’s the point.
Even if we don’t see our grandkids every day, we can reinforce what matters most and help guide them toward lives of faith, purpose, and love.
Which of these three decisions are you most focused on with your grandchildren right now? Share your thoughts on our Facebook page here.
