Connecting with a granddaughter feels a little different from connecting with a grandson. We know that, but we can’t always explain why, or what to do with it. Here are some ways to lean into that difference and enjoy the benefits we’re bringing to ourselves and to them.
Face-to-Face Is How It Happens
You may have noticed that the best times with your granddaughter usually happen face-to-face — sitting across from each other at a kitchen table, in a coffee shop, on the porch, or in the car. Granddaughters, generally speaking, tend to open up through direct conversation and being given someone’s full, unhurried attention.
This is different from what typically works best with grandsons, where side-by-side activity — fishing, building something, watching a game — tends to be the natural setting for connection.
That doesn’t mean activities don’t matter with granddaughters; it means that creating moments of face-to-face, undistracted presence is often where the relationship deepens. Practically speaking, this means putting the phone away, asking a question, and listening without immediately solving. Give her your full attention, and she’ll notice.
What to Say: Specific and Unconditional
Most girls grow up feeling tremendous pressure to be smart, thin, pretty, and involved in certain activities. That includes our granddaughters. As grandparents, we’re in an ideal position to help — we’re great at giving unconditional love, and our grandkids feel it.
Consider adding a comment of affirmation that has real purpose behind it. Something like: “You’re so beautiful — inside and out. And there’s nothing you can do to change that in my eyes.”
That’s not a compliment tied to performance or appearance; it’s saying, My view of you doesn’t change based on what you do or how you look. A granddaughter who hears that from a grandparent carries it with her — maybe for the rest of her life.
When you express appreciation, be specific. You might say, “I appreciate the way you care for your sister,” or “I admire your decisive thinking,” or simply, “I love your smile.” Be observant and then make a comment about something positive and particular. Your granddaughter will beam with joy when she knows you’re watching and that you really care.
Even small moments count. With a young granddaughter, maybe you’re putting together a jigsaw puzzle and she finds an important piece. You say, “Good job,” and she smiles. After that happens a few times, she’ll start to notice when you find a piece and she’ll say, “Great job, Grandpa!” or “You did it, Nana!” The pattern of affirmation becomes something you share.
With an older granddaughter, it might look different — maybe you notice how she stayed calm under pressure during a performance or a game, and you make sure she knows you’re proud of her. When you name what you saw, it shows her you were paying attention. And that stays with her.
Staying Connected Between Visits
You don’t have to be face-to-face every day to stay connected. Here are a few ways grandparents keep the relationship strong from a distance:
One grandmother sends cards, small gifts, and treats about once a month. It’s a thrill for her granddaughter to open them — and a regular reminder that Grandma loves her and is thinking of her.
Another grandmother video chats with her granddaughter every Thursday to help review spelling words. It’s only a few minutes, but she looks forward to it every week. She knows her granddaughter will be this age for only a short time, so she seizes every opportunity.
And never underestimate handwritten notes. You could tell her one specific thing you love about her. Share a memory of something she did that made you smile. Remind her of a quality you see in her that she might not see in herself. Encourage her about something she’s working toward. Or simply let her know you’re thinking about her and praying for her. She can save these notes and return to them years later.
Why These Moments Stay with Her
Here’s something worth remembering: your granddaughter knows, on some level, that you didn’t have to do any of this.
Our friend Dr. Meg Meeker captured this idea well:
Children perceive that grandparents aren’t required to love their grandchildren. They believe that their parents must love them but when it comes to grandparents, they see our love as negotiable. So, when we express love to them, they feel very special because we have “chosen” to love them.
That’s one big reason why the face-to-face attention, the specific affirmation, the monthly cards, and the regular calls matter so much. Your granddaughter receives all of it knowing it wasn’t required. You didn’t have to do any of this, but you did. And that makes all the difference.
What’s one specific way you’ve found to connect with your granddaughter? Share your ideas on our Facebook page.
