by Ken Canfield, Ph.D.
Don’t all grandchildren love playdough? Mine sure do, especially the younger ones. They love to roll it, shape it and mold it. They love the colors, the pliability and the texture of this clay-like substance. With a few lumps of playdough, you and your grandchild can create something which adds a spark to their imaginary world. It’s an inexpensive way to spend time with your grandchild, getting in tune with his world and producing a piece of “art” he can be proud of.
I think of your grandchild’s emotional development in a similar way, because that can be shaped and molded as well. For example, taking time to notice, celebrate and build on their achievements can make a huge difference in their growth and self-esteem. And even when they grow up beyond the age when playdough is fun, your proactive investments in building them up can help them develop an emotional endowment that keeps on giving when you’re not around.
In some sense, your attempts to strengthen your grandchildren are all about meeting their emotional needs. And I believe grandparents are in a unique and strategic situation compared to a child’s parents. We are in a life stage with much more experience and probably fewer responsibilities, and we can make significant contributions to a child’s life. In many instances, our forthright commitment to be engaged with our grandchildren can also bring healing and refreshment to our relationship with our adult children.
To better grasp the essence of emotional strengthening, I often think in these terms:
Past, Present and Future
We can think in terms of positive past experiences you have had with your grandchild, add in what their present needs require, and top it off with what you believe is important to their future. And we can take three positive actions that correspond to each of these.
- We show appreciation to our grandkids based on things they have already done or accomplished.
- We encourage them in the things they are involved in now and any areas of vulnerability we may notice.
- We give them blessings as we look toward the future and who we see them becoming, believe the very best for them, and convey that to them in meaningful ways.
(I have written about each of those separately, so click on the links above to read more.)
When these elements are applied regularly to our grandchildren’s lives, they will prosper and we will experience surges of joy in the process.
A Grand Opportunity…
Grandparents, you have a unique role to fulfill in your grandchildren’s world, and attending to their emotional development will have a huge impact. Don’t be naïve or complacent when it comes to your role. Don’t leave your grandchildren wandering or looking for the emotional fulfillment that they need and deserve. Steady streams of appreciation, encouragement and blessing are gifts that distinguish you as a grandparent. Empower and endow your grandchild. In any and every way possible, bring your best to your grandchild’s life.
Considering the reciprocal benefits that come back to us as a result of our active emotional engagement in our grandchildren’s lives, how can we resist? It’s our time to be the bold supporters we are destined to be, because grandkids matter!
How would you characterize your emotional connection to your grandkids? How would you like it to change? Share your feedback and connect with other grandparents on our Facebook page.
