by Nick Stevens
While growing up, a friend of mine kept hoping her grandfather would pull her close and say something — anything — to make her feel like he cared for her and wanted her around. But he never did. Instead, her strongest memory of him was a stern command to “sit down!” The gap she felt, the connection she wanted but never experienced with an important man in her life, stayed with her for thirty years.
I hope none of our grandchildren will experience something like that, but let’s not forget: Our grandkids may not remember most of what we say, but they will remember whether we saw them. How can we make sure our words and actions are sending our grandkids messages of love, acceptance, and blessing?
In my work with fathers and grandfathers — strong, capable men who have built things and raised families and know how to fix almost anything — I keep hearing the same thing. When I encourage them to tell their grandkids something that matters, often they respond with, “But I’ve got nothing to say.”
So my message to all grandparents is: You’ve got plenty to say. What you might not have yet is a way to affirm your grandchild that doesn’t come out as “good job, buddy” or a piece of advice nobody asked for.
That’s why I developed the “Three-Sentence Method of Blessing,” and here’s the big idea behind it: Your voice, spoken on purpose, can hand a grandchild a piece of who they are — a confirmation of their identity. And once they own it, it protects them. And it just takes three sentences.
In the time it takes you to read this, you can write a real blessing for one of your grandkids, and you’ll know how to do it again and again for that child and all the rest of them. You don’t have to be perfect at this. I’m not. You just have to start.
Four Ways We Miss the Mark
Here’s the thing about “good job.” It’s not wrong; it’s just thin. Your grandkid has heard it from coaches, teachers, the lady at the grocery store, and a hundred cartoon characters. It slides right off. Praise that could be said to any kid says nothing about this kid.
Advice has the same problem, only worse. When you lead with advice, the grandchild hears one thing underneath it: you’re not quite good enough yet, so let me correct you. Sometimes that’s needed, but it’s not a blessing. A blessing affirms a positive aspect of who a child already is.
Teasing is another trap, and it’s the sneaky one. A lot of us grew up in homes where affection came out sideways, as a joke or a jab, so maybe we try to do the same with our grandkids. We rib them — and we keep it lighthearted and good-natured, but that still isn’t a blessing. Too often the genuine affirmation we want to say stays stuck in our chest.
Then there’s silence, which is where a lot of grandparents land — not because we don’t feel admiration and affection, but because we can’t find the right words, and saying nothing feels safer than saying it wrong.
The Three Sentences
After years of getting it wrong and trying again, I noticed a pattern in the blessings that actually work with kids. Then I broke it into three parts that any grandparent can remember and use:
1. Observe something specific you actually saw your grandchild do.
2. Name the positive quality or trait that action reveals.
3. Point toward where that quality could take them in the future — without pushing them toward a specific path.
It only takes three sentences: One that looks back at what happened, one that looks inside at who they are, and one that looks ahead at who they could become.
And all three work together. A compliment with only the first part (“You built that fast!”) is just a play-by-play. The second by itself (“You’re so smart!”) is empty praise. And the third part alone (“You might end up building houses or bridges or businesses someday — if you choose to.”) is a prediction with nothing behind it.
It’s the combination that does the work. You show them the evidence, tell them what it means, and let them see a door it might open.
Here are some everyday examples:
“I saw you help your sister when she was frustrated. That tells me you’re the kind of person who notices when others are struggling. I think people are going to be grateful to have you around — as a friend, a coworker, whatever you become.”
“I watched you stick with that project even when it wasn’t working. That tells me you don’t give up easily. That kind of persistence could take you a long way.”
“I noticed you made the new kid feel welcome at the party. That tells me you pay attention to people who feel left out. The world needs more people like that.”
Observe. Name. Point.
Try this with one of your grandkids this week. You might stumble over the words, but that’s okay. Your grandchild will hear your heart.
May God give you eyes to see the future possibilities for your grandkids.
This article was adapted from Nick’s book The Art of Being Granddad, which has many more examples and suggestions to help you go deeper in this area, including seven different categories of blessings you can explore. It’s a great gift for the granddad who has everything!
Nick Stevens is a student of God’s design for family and fatherhood who speaks and writes about this after 46 years in the information technology industry. He has four children and two by marriage, and seven grandchildren who are the stars in his crown. Nick and his wife Cindy live in Colorado where he enjoys mountain climbing, pickleball, golf, camping, and of course investing in his grandkids. Find out more or contact Nick here.
