Every grandparent knows the feeling. You see the photos on Facebook — the other grandparents took the grandkids to Disney, or they live ten minutes away and have them every weekend. Maybe they hosted the big birthday party. Maybe they’re the ones who get spontaneous Tuesday afternoon visits.
And you feel it: a twinge of envy, maybe a subtle competitiveness. You wonder if you’re being compared — or if you’re falling short.
That feeling is normal. And it’s worth examining.
They’re Not the Competition
Here’s a reframe that might help: the other grandparents aren’t your opponents. You’re all on the same team.
We recently heard from a grandmother who takes this approach. When her children got married, she and the other grandmother quickly became dear friends. They both work at encouraging the grandkids to enjoy their time with the other set of grandparents. When the kids take trips with the other grands, she gets excited for them and wants to hear all about it.
As she puts it, it makes a huge difference that they’re both playing on the same team.
That’s the goal — not to out-grandparent the other side, but to be part of a network of adults who love your grandchildren well.
Three Things to Keep in Mind
First, you can still have a close and special relationship with your grandkids. It will look different from what the other grandparents have — and that’s okay, probably even a benefit. Different is often good. Your connection doesn’t have to match theirs to be meaningful.
Second, things change. Kids go through phases. Circumstances shift. If you stay faithful and engaged, you’ll find ways to build a closer bond over time. The grandparent who feels distant today may be the one they turn to tomorrow.
Third, be grateful your grandkids have that many people who love them. Not every child has multiple sets of engaged, caring grandparents. If yours do, that’s a genuine blessing — and you get to be part of it.
Our friend Teresa Kindred of NanaHood put it beautifully when reflecting on her grandchild’s other grandmother: “How I wish every child in the world could be so loved!”
A Word About Social Media
Let’s be honest: seeing the highlight reels on Facebook or Instagram doesn’t help. The other grandparents’ best moments, perfectly framed and filtered, can make your own efforts feel small by comparison.
But remember — you’re seeing their curated best, not their ordinary days. And your grandchildren don’t experience your love through a screen. They experience it through your presence, your attention, your consistency.
Focus on Your “Secret Sauce”
Instead of measuring yourself against the other grandparents’ trips or proximity, focus on what only you can offer. Your stories. Your traditions. Your way of connecting.
We have called it your “secret sauce” — the specific activities and rituals that work with you and your grandchildren. They’re things you’d never find in a book or a list of grandparenting principles, but they’re magic. No other grandparents can replicate them, because they’re unique to you and your grandkids.
And here’s one more practical idea: invest in the parents. Strengthening your relationship with your adult children and their spouses often improves everything downstream — including time with grandkids. A letter of affirmation, a thoughtful gesture, a word of blessing can go a long way.
The Bigger Picture
We need to be mature — not just in age, but also in behavior. We can’t let comparison or envy hinder our connections with our grandkids. They don’t need us to compete; they need us to show up, stay engaged, and love them in the ways only we can.
That’s what they need from us, and it’s more than enough.
How have you seen your grandkids benefit from having two sets of committed grandparents? Share your thoughts on our Facebook page.
