Grandsons are something else.
Most grandparents figure this out pretty quickly — the energy, the noise, the way a simple trip to the backyard turns into an adventure. And once you understand what makes them tick, you can lean in.
Of course, every grandson is his own person. Some boys are quiet and bookish. Some are deeply verbal. Some prefer drawing to sports. What follows are general patterns that many grandparents recognize, with the goal of helping you notice what’s already in front of you and respond to it.
Boys Are Facing Real Headwinds
Boys today are navigating some cultural trends that don’t always work in their favor. One grandfather we know is very intentional about combating the messages his grandson hears at school — about right and wrong and his own worth. So he encourages him to be strong and confident despite the challenges.
As pediatrician and author Dr. Meg Meeker has observed, boys today often face a world that doesn’t value their high-spirited, energetic nature. That’s not meant to alarm — just to remind you that showing up matters. Grandparents who show up and speak into a grandson’s life are doing something that matters.
Side-by-Side Is Where It Happens
Our recent article about connecting with granddaughters details how face-to-face conversation tends to work well with them. With grandsons, it’s often the opposite. Boys tend to open up while doing something — shooting hoops, working on a project, driving somewhere, playing a game. The activity creates cover that makes talking easier.
There’s more about this in our article on talking with a teenage grandson, but the principle applies across ages. If you want to know what’s going on inside your grandson, get beside him, not across from him.
Physical Energy Is a Connection Point
Boys are generally more physically active, more prone to roughhousing, more likely to communicate through movement than words. Don’t think of this as a problem to manage, but a doorway.
One grandfather told us about an afternoon at the pool with his grandson. It was great fun, but the granddad couldn’t help noticing that the boy was being active and aggressive in ways he hadn’t noticed before. That energy — the splashing, the wrestling, the constant motion — is how many boys are wired.
Dr. Meeker puts it this way: boys are naturally built for adventure and physical challenge. Adults who embrace that wiring rather than try to tamp it down are the ones who connect.
You don’t have to keep up with him physically. But get close to what he’s doing. Throw the ball until your arm gives out, then ask him to show you his technique. Be in the pool. Get on the floor. Go outside. Be present in his physical world, even if you’re just watching and cheering.
Ask Him to Show You
Granddaughters often tell you what they’re feeling. Grandsons tend to show you. The sword-fight sounds with sticks, the intense explanation of his Minecraft world, the thing he built out of cardboard, the goal he scored — these are how he lets you into his life.
So ask him to show you something, not tell you. “Show me how that works.” “Walk me through how you did that.” “Let me watch you.” A boy will open up more when he feels seen — really noticed, not evaluated — than when he is asked direct questions about what he’s going through or how he’s feeling.
Give Him Something Real to Do
Boys are often energized by being trusted with something that matters — a task that’s actually hard, a challenge that’s not dumbed down, a responsibility with real stakes. A grandson who seems disengaged may light up when given a project, a problem to solve, or something that needs doing.
One grandfather gave his grandson twenty dollars and helped him find someone to bless with that money. That simple act treated the boy as capable — and boys notice when adults take their capacity seriously.
When he visits, give him a real job. Let him help with something you’d normally do yourself. When he does it well, tell him exactly what you noticed.
Name What You See in Him
Boys may be less verbal, but they are listening. What you name in your grandson — his courage, his character, his sense of humor, his honesty — stays with him.
One young man put it this way: “My grandpa has taught me how to fish and work and so many other things a young boy needs to know. Most importantly, he has taught me to love God and how to be a good, honest young man.” No big moments. No extravagant gestures. Just fishing, working, and the character lessons that came along for the ride.
Tell your grandson specific things you see in him. Not generic praise — real observations. “I noticed how you handled that.” “I saw that you kept going when you could have quit.” “That took courage.” Boys file these away and then pull them out later, when they need them.
Keep Going Back
Somewhere along the way, you’ll find it — the thing that’s just yours with him. Ping-pong in the basement. Fishing at the same spot every summer. Homemade chocolate shakes. A running joke that never gets old. You may not know what it is yet. But when you find it, keep going back.
That’s the connection. And it’s built one afternoon at a time.
What’s one way you’ve found to connect with your grandson? Share your ideas on our Facebook page.
