What does it mean to be a “mature” grandparent? Sometimes we associate maturity with age, but there are plenty of grandparents who don’t always act maturely.
Here’s a quick test: Do you ever envy your grandchild’s other grandparents? If they live closer, they probably spend more time with your grandchildren. Maybe you hear stories about the great time they had together, and you see the photos on Facebook. It’s easy to let jealousy creep in. But maturity means being secure in your unique connection with your grandkids — cheering for the other grandparents rather than competing with them, and being thankful for the benefits your grandchildren receive from them and other influences in their lives.
More Than Age
When you think about maturity, your first thoughts might be: gray hair, wrinkles, aching joints, reading glasses, and forgetting why you walked into a room. Those are signs of aging, not maturity. What we’re talking about is different — and more important.
Mature grandparents have their priorities sorted out, and investing in their grandchildren is near the top. They aren’t chasing after less important things. They’re also growing in wisdom — aware that they need to adapt in this complex and ever-changing world, as well as in the smaller but still complex world of their family. The same rules they applied as parents may not fit the issues each unique grandchild faces today.
At its core, grandparent maturity involves humility, selflessness, and wisdom. These are traits that make the following five signs possible.
One other thing to keep in mind: our relationships with our grandchildren often depend on our relationships with their parents. If there’s unresolved tension from earlier years — their childhood, past disagreements, old wounds — that’s often where our maturity matters most, and where it’s hardest.
1. Be Difficult to Offend
Let that sink in for a minute.
Being difficult to offend isn’t just about keeping peace with your adult children; it’s also a modeling issue. Your grandkids are watching how you respond when you’re overlooked, dismissed, or challenged. They see how you react when you’re left out of a family decision, when the parents choose a different approach than you suggested, or when the holiday schedule doesn’t go your way.
The Bible book of James urges us to be “slow to anger” — and as grandparents, our ability to handle emotions affects our grandkids. If we lash out when we’re disappointed or frustrated, that sets an example we probably don’t want them to follow.
2. Assume the Best of People
This sign may be the root from which the others grow. A grandparent who assumes the worst is always ready to be offended, always convinced they’re right, unlikely to initiate resolution, and slow to admit fault. Assuming the best takes humility — but it can change everything about how you relate to your family.
When something feels off with your adult children or grandchildren, choose to believe there’s more to the story before jumping to conclusions. When your daughter-in-law seems distant, assume she’s tired, not upset with you. When your son doesn’t call, assume he’s busy, not avoiding you. When plans change, assume there’s a good reason, not that you’re being pushed aside.
3. Let Go of the Need to Be “Right”
As grandparents, sometimes we have opinions, and sometimes we can’t help sharing them. This can be a problem when our grandchildren’s parents don’t agree with us — or when our grandchildren themselves make decisions we wouldn’t make.
We have to be humble and seek to maintain peace among the generations. That means apologizing when we cross the line and give advice with expectations attached. It also means giving parents permission to tell us when we’ve gone too far. We might say: “I want to be the best grandparent I can be, and I need your help to make sure I’m doing OK.”
Here’s a good rule: never give unsolicited advice. Young parents have to do things their way, not ours. And as grandchildren grow, they’ll make their own choices too — some we’ll agree with, some we won’t. We can share our perspective, but maturity means letting go of the expectation that they’ll do things our way. Our job is to keep loving and encouraging them, whatever path they choose.
4. Resolve Issues Quickly
One grandmother talked about a bold step she and her husband took. After some planning, they called together everyone in their family and made a verbal commitment to be better grandparents. They admitted to ways they could have been more involved and supportive, and they pledged to make improvements. They even asked for other ideas that might help.
That takes courage. But as the patriarchs and matriarchs of our families, it’s up to us to be mature — to apologize, let go of grudges, forgive, and do everything in our power to live at peace with our family members. We can embrace our role as reconcilers — ready to say, “Whatever it takes, let’s get this ironed out and move forward.”
5. Admit Fault and Seek Forgiveness
This one asks us to do something genuinely difficult — not just accept being wrong, but actively seek forgiveness from people who are younger than us.
But that’s what love does. Love motivates us to appreciate the person even when we don’t approve of their actions. Love helps us admit we were wrong and ask forgiveness. And those efforts with our adult children will only benefit our relationship with their children — our grandchildren.
A Direction, Not a Destination
None of us has “arrived” at full maturity. These aren’t a checklist to pass; they’re a direction to keep moving toward. Mature grandparents recognize the opportunities to grow that come with grandparenting — and we keep growing.
Which of these five is hardest for you? Share your thoughts on our Facebook page.
