by Jay Payleitner
Adapted from his book, Hooray for Grandparents!
Hate to break it to you, but …
You are not the only grandparent in your grandchild’s life.
Which means your obligatory goal—being the favorite grandparent—is not going to be awarded to you just for showing up. You’ve got work to do.
Who else is in the race? Every family is different, but near the top of that list is probably your own spouse. Then, of course, your child’s partner has parents. In addition, there may be other former partners, in-laws, or favorite aunts or uncles who may be climbing in the rankings of favorite.
Some of your competition you may not even know about. One day, you might be playing Candyland with little Sophia and she’ll say something like, “GamGam lets me go over the rainbow bridge every time.” You immediately wonder, Who’s GamGam? You are surprised to find out she is some elderly neighbor who hangs out with your granddaughter after preschool. If that’s the case, then you need to track down that grandmothering impostor and insist that GamGam play by the rules of Candyland and stop trying to edge you out as fave grandparent.
In truth, positive role models and playmates of any age are good for your grandkids.
I can attest to feelings of both gratitude and jealousy when it comes to the other grandparents in the lives of Judah, Jackson, Emerson, Gideon, Reese, Nolan, Finn, and Nixon. I also know Rita and I are blessed beyond measure by those other grandparents, and there’s plenty of love to go around.
For context, three of our grandkids live in our hometown. Two live in the next county, but Rita and I are still the closest grandparents. Three live 150 miles away in the same city as the “other” grandparents.
Proximity is not the only factor in connecting with grandkids. Famously, my bride Rita excels at snuggling with newborns. Anytime she is holding one of her infant grandkids, she’s the favorite.
I know I’m in the running for favorite grandparent when kids are between the ages of three and five. That’s because my natural instinct is to give horsey rides, listen to their stories, wrestle, oooh and aaah over caterpillars, give noogies, and make sandcastles and balloon animals. When they mature beyond that young age, sometimes I make the mistake of trying way too hard to teach them lessons and life principles, which doesn’t always go over so well, causing me to lose points.
You might be in competition with grandparents who have an advantage of living with the grandkids or having more time and money. The other grandparents may have more fun stuff, like a trampoline, swimming pool, basketball hoop, giant backyard, or jungle gym. Maybe you’re up against grandparents who live on a farm, own a boat, or have a beach house. Grandparents who live in a skyscraper in the exciting big city definitely have an advantage with some kids, especially older grandchildren.
To claim the coveted title, you might find yourself allowing unlimited ice cream, video marathons, or bedtimes that go against Mom and Dad’s instructions. I don’t recommend it. On the other hand, it’s probably okay if your rules are a little more lenient than at home. Furthermore, cash bribery is not allowed.
Let me reiterate:
Be grateful for every person of any age who truly loves your grandchildren.
… and for every person they truly love. I really do appreciate the wonderful grandparents all my grandchildren have on “the other side.” Still, I do not take the quest to be “the favorite” lightly. With that in mind, I am hereby putting Richard, Linda, Dave, Deb, Marty, Cathy, and even Rita, on notice. The battle is on.
Read more from Jay at Grandkids Matter here.
What challenges and joys have you found with your grandkids’ other grandparents? Share some wisdom on the Grandkids Matter Facebook page here.
Jay Payleitner is a best-selling author of Hooray for Grandparents! and more than a dozen other books on marriage, family, and doing life right, including 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad, 52 Ways to Connect as a Couple, and What If God Wrote Your Bucket List? His weekly podcast is called, “Getting Life Right.” He and his wife, Rita, live near Chicago, where they’ve raised five great kids (and now have eight grandkids) and have loved on ten foster babies. For information on booking Jay to speak at your next event, visit jaypayleitner.com.
