There are some general patterns to the grandparenting journey …
There’s nothing like being a brand-new grandparent and bonding with a newborn. Typically, the joys only multiply as grandchildren become active preschoolers, and then the relationships can get even more special when they are school age. Throughout those earlier years, we love our grandkids and love spending time with them, of course, and they think we’re awesome and are eager to see us, too. In many ways, it’s a magical time.
Then come their teen years. Older grandkids still love us and want to see us, but this is a time of transition for them—and it might happen a little earlier or later for some children. Their lives start revolving more and more around their friends and school activities, and less around home life. They’re simply busier people who are harder to track down and make plans with.
Our relationships with them and our influence can be just as strong or stronger during this time. Sometimes grandparents can be vital sounding boards for teenagers when maybe they can’t open up to their parents about challenges and issues.
Still, things are changing and they will continue to change. They will graduate high school and move on to college or a career. They may get married and move across the city or across the country, and we may only get to see them two or three times a year. And since we’re getting older, our declining energy—and possibly mobility challenges—will make it more difficult to keep those bonds close and strong. FaceTime helps, of course, but it just isn’t the same.
This probably isn’t news to you, but it will happen before you know it. And if you’re a grandparent enjoying those younger years—or really, no matter where you are on the grandparenting journey—this can be an important insight for you. When your grandchildren are on their own and you don’t see as much of them, what family members are left to enjoy and invest in?
In many cases, it’s your grandkids’ parents.
Sometimes there’s discord in those relationships, where you know they are the gatekeepers to your grandkids, and you put up with them because you have to. Sometimes you don’t live close to them, so they aren’t a big part of your life anyway. And in some situations, sadly, those connections are estranged and you don’t get to see much of them or your grandkids at all.
So this is an attempt to give you some perspective on where your grandparenting role could be headed, and to underscore the importance of building strong connections with your adult children and their spouses. Invest in those relationships just as much as you do with your grandkids. Invite them to go places with you. Do nice things for them. Start a weekly or monthly dinner tradition.
And if things are difficult or there are lingering issues, be a reconciler. Overlook mistakes. Refuse to be offended.
As you all get older, they can become some of the best friends you have anywhere. Yes, it really does become more like friendship than a parent-child situation. And if that seems impossible right now, it’s still a good goal to work toward.
There are definite benefits for us. They can bring joy to our lives that we may not have considered. Being close to them is a good way to get regular updates about what your young-adult grandkids are up to. And remember, it’s likely they will be the ones caring for us or making decisions about our care at some point in the future.
What’s your #1 tip for having good relationships with your adult children? Share some wisdom with other grandparents on our Facebook page here.
