4 Important Things to Remember on (Grand)Mother’s Day

NANA’S HOUSE by Teresa Kindred

Part of my heart aches every year as we approach Mother’s Day. My mother died of colon cancer in 1990 at the age of 51. I don’t know what your mother was like, but I will miss mine until the day I see her again. She was my point of origin and my first teacher. During my teen years she was more like my commanding officer, and although I went AWOL for several years, she never gave up on me. Because I no longer have her around, Mother’s Day seems even more important now than when she was alive.

If you’re a grandparent, chances are your mother has passed on too. Still, we can still celebrate our mothers this time of year. I do this by writing about her, visiting her grave and making sure there are flowers on her (and my dad’s) headstone. It’s not the same as spending time with her, but it’s still a great way of honoring what she means to me.

Mother's Day Remembrance Ideas; Honoring mothers and grandmothers; Meaningful Mother's Day;

Here are 4 thoughts to keep in mind as you honor a mother or two in your life:

Everybody has one.

No matter how old you are or how many times you have fought with her, she brought you into this world. And even if things are difficult with her and you don’t want to honor her on Mother’s Day, consider a few questions:

How will you feel when she is no longer here?
Are you going to have regrets?
Will you wish you had tried one more time to make amends?

If you see even a sliver of hope for reconciliation, please call her and try again. I would give anything to see my mother one more time, and I bet your mother wishes she could see you. The only way to have inner peace is to forgive and accept the person she is, not the person you wish she was. (And remember, she is having to forgive and accept things in you.)

It takes a village.

All moms need help from time to time. Who is in your village—or your grandkids’ parents’ village? Children are raised by aunts, grandmothers, foster moms, and other caring adults. You don’t have to give birth to a child to mother them. Dolly Parton has done more in her lifetime for children than many parents do. She started the Imagination Library so that families could have books in their homes. How wonderful is that? I have a friend who isn’t a mother, but she’s a fantastic teacher. I’m sure many of her former students will tell you how vital she was to their childhood. The really good teachers always think of their students as “their kids” no matter how old they get. The same goes for many coaches, pediatricians, school bus drivers and on and on. Take a moment to thank the other surrogate “moms” and grandmothers who make a difference in your grandchildren’s lives.

It’s not about the gift.

I had my mom for 34 Mother’s Days. That’s a lot longer than some people get, but much shorter than I had hoped for. I gave her a wide array of different gifts for Mother’s Day, from the green ceramic ashtray I made her in Girl Scouts (it was the 60s and my mother didn’t smoke, but I wasn’t in charge) to the three rosebushes I gave her on her last Mother’s Day. The cost of all those gifts wouldn’t add up to 1/100th of what she gave me through the years, but it doesn’t matter. Love means more than money. Spending time with my children and grandchildren is a hundred times more valuable to me than any gifts they might give. My mother was the same way, and I hope you will make that priority clear to your children and grandchildren this weekend.

Show love to a mother just because you can.

Get a pencil and paper and make a list of extraordinary women in your life. If your mother isn’t around to appreciate, you surely know plenty of other women who are exceptional. Maybe your grandkids’ mothers deserve some of your praise for all they do. Find a way to honor these moms while you still can. Trust me, you will be glad you did. Please show love to a momma now. Don’t wait another day. It’s vitally important.