by Ken Canfield, Ph.D.
As committed grandparents, we are there.
We show up. We’re available when needed. We see a need and take action to help, comfort, guide, encourage, or just … be there — even from far away. In a world full of uncertainties, our presence can be a steady anchor, reminding our grandchildren that they are cherished and supported.
This is part 3 in my seven-part series on building a Grandparenting Skills Portfolio, highlighting four essential callings and three key challenges to strengthen your influence across generations. In case you missed them, I’ve already explored the calling to be a cheerleader through encouragement and the challenge of taming criticism with grace. The second calling is being a caretaker.
This is about more than helping with childcare responsibilities, whether that’s “babysitting” for an afternoon, helping out with daily responsibilities like school runs, meal prep, and bedtime stories, or even stepping into raising your grandkids full-time — a reality for a growing number of grandparents because of circumstances like parental illness, deployment, or other family disruptions.
You can also be a big source of emotional support and steadfast love even as you provide some practical care. Caretaking often goes much deeper and involves relational nurturing — coming alongside to comfort and show love. You can be like a safe harbor in life’s storms; many of you thrive on that.
Here are four practical ways to live out this calling:
Initiate Meaningful Conversations
Ask yourself, “What’s one conversation I need to have with one or two of my grandchildren that addresses an area in their lives where I can come alongside and support them?” This might involve gently broaching topics like academic struggles, friendship woes or online pressures.
Maybe you could invite a grandchild to take a walk with you and say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit down lately. Want to talk about it? I’m here to help however I can.” In full-time caretaking scenarios these talks become daily touchpoints that help to foster trust and assist grandkids as they navigate big changes, like adjusting to a new home routine.
Listen Actively and Commit to Prayer
Reflect on those conversations and other comments you hear from them (as well as body language you notice) and make their well-being a matter of daily prayer. Active listening is a great skill to develop, and sometimes it’s best to just listen without offering an immediate fix — that helps create emotional safety.
Picture a grandmother who hears her grandson express fears about his parents’ divorce. Her first response is to commit to praying each morning for his peace, then maybe a few days later she follows up with, “I heard you mention that the other day; how are you feeling today?” This approach turns concern into compassionate action — especially vital for grandparents in full-time caregiving roles, where prayer undergirds the exhaustion of the daily routine.
Create a Lasting Legacy Through Thoughtful Gifts
I hope the most powerful aspects of your legacy are about virtues, values and traditions, but physical things can also carry deep meaning. Think about your material legacy beyond an inheritance of money or a house. Try making a list of one item that you’ll give to each grandchild that’s especially for them — to help them remember you and show how important they are to you. It could be a cherished family Bible, a handmade quilt, a pocket watch passed down for generations, or something else unique to you and your family.
Once you decide what to give, give some thought to how you’ll present it. A grandfather might gift his old fishing rod to a grandson during a lakeside outing, adding a comment like: “This rod has seen many adventures, just like we’re having together.” Keepsakes given thoughtfully create great memories while showing your enduring love and support and weaving heritage into your grandkids’ lives.
Welcome Emotions and Offer Grace-Filled Words
Families don’t always handle emotions in healthy ways, so maybe it isn’t something you’re used to or adept at. But it’s an important part of being a caretaker for your grandkids. You can learn to embrace tears, confusion, angry outbursts, or even failures without judgment, and communicate words of support like, “You don’t have to be perfect. You can always tell me the truth, because I love you. I’m just glad you’re here and we’re talking.”
During disruptions — such as a move or loss — before offering advice, it’s wise to ask: “Would you like me to just listen, or do you want some ideas?” This honors their feelings and helps to turn a vulnerable into deeper connection.
Embracing your caretaker calling isn’t about perfection but presence — showing up with open arms and hearts.
Start today: Pick one suggestion and apply it this week. Your efforts will echo grace through your family tree, and together we can nurture the next generation with love that lasts.
Next week I’ll delve into the challenge of competitiveness. Here’s a link to my overview of all 7 aspects of the Grandparenting Skills Portfolio.
Stay tuned for part three next week, where we’ll dive into the next calling: being a caretaker.
How are you expressing this role with your grandkids? Share your stories and tips on our Facebook page here.
