The Christmas season brings thoughts of wonder and magic, especially when seen through the eyes of grandchildren. As grandparents, we cherish those moments with family: the glittering lights, the joy of family traditions, and maybe the excited chatter about Santa or wish lists.
But for many parents, it’s a whirlwind of overwhelming demands.
Parenting may have been busy for us years ago, but it’s a whole different level for our grandkids’ parents today. December is often a convergence of school holiday concerts, church nativity plays and end-of-year sports parties, and many of them require costumes, baked goods, or secret Santa gifts. Add in volunteer shifts and food bank collections — noble causes that still demand time and effort for shopping, wrapping, and drop-offs — and suddenly what should be a festive time becomes more of a logistical nightmare. It all adds up to exhausted moms and dads who feel more like event coordinators than engaged, joyful participants.
As grandparents, we can see our adult children navigating this chaos, and we want to lend a hand without stepping on toes. How can we support stressed parents during the holidays while respecting their boundaries and still foster family fun and togetherness? Here are a few ideas:
Offer day-to-day assistance.
This means helping in practical ways with daily tasks. Vague offers (“Let me know if you need anything”) are kind but often hard to act on. Instead, ask specifically what would ease their day — perhaps handling school pickups during a busy week of rehearsals, assisting with holiday errands, wrapping gifts or taking a lead role on a grandkids’ craft project. Tune into what’s going on and step up to help, no strings attached. Or suggest a time window when you’re available and let them choose what you do.
It also means tuning into their emotional state and suggesting some healthy self-care. Schedule a low-key coffee chat or video call where you listen without jumping to solutions and say things like, “It sounds exhausting juggling all those parties; how are you holding up?” Follow up with encouraging notes or texts, reminding them of the bigger picture.
Keep communicating openly.
It’s the best way to respect boundaries and sidestep misunderstandings. Sometimes the best approach is to be blunt … but with grace. “I’m here to help during this busy time for your family, but I don’t always pick up on signals. So if I cross a line or you need some space, just tell me. I won’t be offended.” Then, of course, prepare yourself to hear that they need more space, and don’t be offended.
Commit to flexibility.
It could turn out that your grandkids’ parents decide to simplify December by skipping or rescheduling an activity or tradition with you. Again, resist taking offense. If they need a quiet evening as a family, that’s a good thing! You can let them know you value time with them, but be understanding if their decisions don’t line up with your ideas of a “perfect Christmas.” If the usual tradition of buying gifts for everyone in the extended family is making life more hectic for them, come up with a workable gift exchange solution. Make every effort to be part of enhancing their holidays, not complicating them.
Grandparents: supporting stressed parents during Christmas is less about grand gestures and more about thoughtful, service-oriented and boundary-respecting actions that seek to restore peace. Your love and involvement are precious, and when coupled with strategic assistance, you can help the parents can trade in their stress for genuine holiday cheer — and that’s a great gift for your grandchildren as well.
What have you noticed in your children and grandchildren during the holidays? How have you stepped up to relieve some of their stress? Share your feedback and tips on our Facebook page.
