by Ken Canfield, Ph.D.
Your 12-year-old granddaughter mentions she’s been watching videos about watercolor painting. Your teenage grandson keeps tinkering with that old car engine in the garage. Your youngest grandchild asks endless questions about the birds in your backyard.
Are you paying attention?
These small moments are invitations — windows into their interests, curiosities, and emerging passions. They’re opportunities for you to step into one of the most rewarding roles a grandparent can play: coach.
This is part 5 in my seven-part series on building a Grandparenting Skills Portfolio — a framework of four callings to embrace and three challenges to navigate. I’ve already explored the callings to be a cheerleader and be a caretaker, along with the challenges of taming criticism and overcoming competition. Now we turn to the third calling: being a coach.
Unlike a cheerleader who encourages from the sidelines, a coach gets in the game — observing carefully, teaching skills, sharing hard-won wisdom, and occasionally issuing challenges. As grandparents, we’re uniquely positioned to do all of this, with decades of experience and without the daily pressures that parents carry.
Here are four ways to embrace your coaching role:
Observe First, Then Engage
Great coaches are great observers. Before offering guidance, take time to truly notice your grandchildren — their interests, struggles, and questions. What lights them up? What do they gravitate toward when no one’s directing them?
These observations become your coaching playbook. When you engage their actual interests rather than imposing an agenda, you earn credibility and connection. Ask yourself: What’s one hobby or skill I could teach each grandchild that would genuinely be helpful to them? Perhaps it’s woodworking, baking, fishing, or basic car maintenance. The more you know about what makes each grandchild unique, the better equipped you’ll be to coach them well.
Teach a Skill Only You Can Share
Every grandparent has something to offer — skills honed over a lifetime that might otherwise be lost. Grandparents are teachers like no others. Think beyond the obvious: How to shake hands confidently. How to write a thank-you note. How to navigate a disagreement without burning bridges.
One grandfather taught each grandchild car maintenance before they turned 16. A grandmother passed on her signature pie crust recipe — and along with it, lessons about patience. These shared experiences become anchors in your grandchildren’s memories. What’s the one thing you can pass on that reflects who you are?
Share Stories — Especially the Failures
Here’s something parents don’t always have the freedom to do: admit failure. Parents are still in the trenches, building authority. But grandparents? We’ve got perspective.
Ask yourself: What’s one story I can share about something I learned the hard way? Maybe it’s a job you lost, a friendship you damaged, or a financial mistake that took years to recover from. When shared with humility — not as a lecture but as a gift — these stories become powerful teaching moments. Your grandchildren need to know that failure isn’t final and that wisdom often comes through struggle.
Challenge Them to Grow
Coaches don’t just encourage, they also challenge. One simple idea: recommend a book chosen specifically for each grandchild based on who they are and what they’re facing. Hand it to them and say, “I read this and thought of you. I’d love to hear what you think.” You’ve just opened a door for deeper conversation.
Coaching also means addressing what concerns you most — dating, substance use, social media, friendships that worry you. Plan how you might wisely speak into those areas — not with lectures, but with questions and genuine curiosity. (And make sure their parents are on board with the perspectives you share.) Teaching them discernment is one of the greatest gifts we can give.
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” — Proverbs 15:22
Your grandchildren need advisers who love them and have walked further down the road. That’s you.
Coaching isn’t about having all the answers — it’s about showing up with wisdom, humility, and a genuine desire to help your grandchildren become who they’re meant to be.
Start today: Identify one skill you can teach, one story you can share, or one book you can recommend. Your grandkids need a coach in their corner.
Download the overview of all 7 aspects of the Grandparenting Skills Portfolio here.
Next week, we’ll tackle one of the most painful challenges grandparents face: being cut off.
How are you coaching your grandchildren? What skills or wisdom are you passing on? Share your insights on our Facebook page here.
