by Dr. Ken Canfield
As a pre-teen boy, Dale seemed on track to becoming a statistic. He was the youngest of eight children, his parents were divorced, and one older brother was incarcerated. As Dale entered his adolescent years, he began making poor choices and hanging with friends who encouraged more of the same.
The only healthy asset in his family system was a grandfather.
… and he was far from perfect too. Grandpa’s health wasn’t the best, and he was in a new marriage that had its own challenges. But when he noticed the troubling path that Dale appeared to be walking, it triggered something deep in his heart. He believed he had enough strength for at least one more project. So, with the support of his new wife, Grandpa asked Dale to come live with them.
Dale spent eight years living with his grandpa and new grandma, and those two people became stable, protective forces in his life. Grandpa’s health kept deteriorating, and he died when Dale was 19, but his influence was the difference maker for Dale.
Today, Dale is the father of three boys, in a healthy marriage, gainfully employed, and a leader in his community. When asked for a word to describe his grandpa’s example and character, Dale quickly responded:
“He was a man of integrity.”
Maybe this story is nothing like yours, but I believe we all have a lot in common as grandparents, and we should all consider how we can best use our precious commodities of time and energy to benefit our families, specifically our grandchildren.
Here are three practical reminders:
Be Present and Observant
Just like Dale’s grandpa noticed his grandson’s troubling path, make an effort to be actively involved and observant in your grandchildren’s lives. In most situations this will mean regularly checking in, asking questions about their friends and activities, and paying attention to any shifts in their behavior or moods. Since you probably don’t see them every day, maybe the gradual changes will be more noticeable to you. And your consistent involvement will allow you to identify potential warning signs early on and offer support before issues escalate.
Offer a Safe and Supportive Space
Maybe, like Dale’s grandfather, you see an opportunity to step up and bring a grandchild home to live with you. Even if that isn’t necessary or possible, you can still create a safe space where your grandchildren feel comfortable opening up without judgment. And this is really more about how you relate to them than where they live or where you typically see them. It might involve regular phone calls and texts, video chats, or dedicated time together where they know they can share about what’s happening. Emphasize that your home and your heart are always open to them.
Communicate Your Values and Be a Role Model
How can you live out integrity conspicuously in front of your grandkids? Dale’s grandpa apparently created that legacy simply by a being a stable presence that Dale knew he could rely on. It might look different in your situation. The point is to make the most of your opportunities to model positive values like honesty, resilience, and compassion. Share stories from your own life that illustrate these values, and, more importantly, live them out in your daily actions. Your consistent example can be a powerful guide for your grandchildren as they navigate their own choices.
How can you reach out and show that you’re there for at least one grandchild this week? Share your ideas and check in with other grandparents on our Facebook page here.
