by Jay Payleitner
Adapted from his book, A Grand Way to Live
Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
—Benjamin Franklin
As a grandparent, you’ve seen a lot.
You’ve got a lifetime of experience, an opinion on just about everything, and you’re almost always right. However, that doesn’t mean you should proclaim yourself to be the expert on all that is good and true and tell everything you know to everyone you meet the instant you meet them. You may have already discovered that this kind of know-it-all attitude doesn’t always sit well with the next generation. By the way, you’re not infallible and have not personally cornered the market on truth.
In the Bible book of Colossians, the Apostle Paul confirms that we should present our words—especially our testimony—thoughtfully and respectfully. He wrote,
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. (4:6)
Did you get that? The goal is for your words to be “tasty”—grace-filled and nicely seasoned. Plus, your words need to take into consideration that each person with whom you’re talking is in a different place, with different temperaments, and facing different challenges. That kind of heart-to-heart understanding only happens after you have been holding your tongue, listening carefully, and investing enough time to craft a thoughtful response.
Of course, the blossoming generations need to hear your wisdom.
The lessons you learned the hard way can help them avoid the mistakes you made. What a gift that can be! Indeed, that’s one of the reasons your children and grandchildren need you in their lives. But your worthwhile advice and wise counsel will never even be considered if the words are delivered with a pompous edge, a nasty bitterness, or perhaps worse, a syrupy sweetness that causes any message of grace and truth to be hard to swallow.
Consider some of the most recent conversations you’ve had with your grandchildren.
- Did you listen before offering instruction?
- Did you bestow empathy before correcting or chastising?
Actually, with your grandkids, it may be a little easier because they are so innocent and lovable. A bigger challenge might be to consider your most recent interactions with your adult children and their spouses.
- Did you listen to what they were really saying?
- Was your response well-seasoned, respectful, and spoken in love?
Sometimes we forget that they are adults and the primary caretakers of our grandchildren and should be treated as such. Let’s prioritize lightly seasoned speech!
Read more from Jay at Grandkids Matter here.
Jay Payleitner is a best-selling author of A Grand Way to Live, Hooray for Grandparents! and more than a dozen other books on marriage, family, and doing life right, including 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad, 52 Things Wives Need from Their Husbands, and What If God Wrote Your Bucket List? He and his wife, Rita, live near Chicago, where they’ve raised five great kids (and now have eight grandkids) and have loved on ten foster babies. For information on booking Jay to speak at your next event, visit jaypayleitner.com.
