by Ken Canfield, Ph.D.
Grandparents: your role is powerful and significant.
You can make a big difference, and I hope you don’t settle for being only marginally involved in your grandkids’ lives during these years.
That’s one of the big ideas behind this Grandkids Matter organization: We want to awaken, motivate, and equip grandparents to help them experience the richness of their role in their grandchildren’s lives.
When I began working and interacting with grandparents, I quickly recognized that grandmothers are the most active, engaged, and focused people I know when it comes to their grandkids. Sometimes I call them lionesses because of their determination.
I also know many granddads who are just as dedicated and involved, and some are working, as I am, to help awaken grandparents to their high calling.
Research demonstrates that children thrive when grandmothers and grandfathers are proactively involved in their lives. And wouldn’t you know it: grandparents also thrive when they are actively involved in their grandchildren’s lives. Both see incredible benefits. It’s a win-win!
We must continue to affirm and encourage grandparents.
Grandparents come in a wide variety of “flavors” and situations. There’s the iconic praying grandmother and the “never, never, never give up” grandparents who understand the impact they can have on the well-being of their grandchildren and great-grandchildren. There are the devoted long-distance grandparents who have learned the latest technology to help them stay connected to their grands.
How many grandparents do you know who are raising—or are substantially involved in raising—their grandchildren? This is one of the fastest growing family demographic categories today. And while the number of custodial grandparents is rapidly growing, in many situations respect and honor for grandparents is diminishing.
The impact of grandparents is often minimized and our role reduced by factors such as geographic distance, divorce, lack of knowledge or understanding of our family history, and the culture’s failure to affirm our value in the family. Most of us know intuitively that we have a positive contribution to make, but we don’t always enter grandparenthood with a lot of confidence. Many of us had little experience with our own grandparents when we were growing up—something that surely would have helped us be more effective in this role.
Still, so many grandparents are persevering and doing their best. Here are two specific examples that inspire me:
- Grandma Betty has become a lifeline to her grandson. He’s currently caught up in a self-absorbed lifestyle of drug use, aberrant behavior, self-indulgence, and an overall unhealthy quality of life. But even in that compromised state, when he was asked about his grandmother, he said, “She’s my cheerleader and hero.” There is hope that this young man will turn his life around, and his grandmother’s relentless, persevering, irresistible love will be a big factor. Yes, she is roaring.
- When Suzanne discovered that her grandchildren were in danger due to the negligence of their irresponsible parents, she didn’t hesitate to get involved. She opened the doors of her home and her heart, and her grandchildren moved in. The original plan was that they would stay with her a year or two until her daughter could stabilize her life, but reality didn’t unfold that way. So, Suzanne raised her grandchildren for more than a decade.
Surely we all know many more examples where grandparents are stepping up into situations where they’re needed—expressing courage and commitment for the grandchildren (and spiritual or surrogate grandchildren) that they love so much.
It’s time for the lionesses (and lions) to roar.
How are you living out your commitment to your grandkids? Share a thought or a story about grandparent dedication on our Facebook page here.
