by Ken Canfield, Ph.D.
Our world needs positive leadership. If that’s true today, which I believe it is, then I know it will be even more of an issue for the coming generations. And the effective leaders of tomorrow can be greatly influenced by grandparents who are gently leading our grandchildren and encouraging them, in turn, to lead.
This can start when our grandchildren are young; even then their leadership potential is in formation. Often, grandchildren will follow our lead in an activity or task, and we can look for ways to encourage them to take an age-appropriate leadership role. Over time, those kinds of experiences can help them develop confidence as people who take initiative and lead.
Of course, some grandkids come out of the womb with a type-A personality, and soon they’re trying to dictate to everyone how life is to be lived. With those grandchildren, we have to be thinking two steps ahead, much like their parents do, and this is where a tag-team approach between grandparents and parents is especially helpful. A type-A child can be exhausting work for everybody, but doing the work required will produce incredible long-term dividends. Often those children who are difficult to handle grow up to be very motivated, energetic leaders.
There are two primary areas where grandparents can have a meaningful influence on our grandchildren’s leadership development:
Help them create a reservoir of trust.
Being able to trust others is essential in all relationships, and critical to a grandchild’s future. Without developing trust, children can succumb to a fear-based way of thinking and living. But when trust is fully developed, their fears, challenges and difficulties can be addressed more easily, knowing that together you can overcome any obstacles and difficulties.
When it comes to developing trust with your grandchildren, I see four cornerstones where grandparents are often equipped to make positive contributions, and they all work together:
- Your age and experience—your maturity. You share your life experiences and wisdom through …
- Healthy communication, which of course is characterized by …
- Truth and honesty. And since your words only go so far, you back them up with …
- Consistency in your habits and lifestyle.
I have two close friends who were literally saved by their grandfathers’ involvement in their lives and the trust they developed over time. Each of my friends’ fathers were incarcerated, and as young men they found themselves fatherless, defenseless and in need. In each case their grandfathers stepped in, engaged in their development, and over time helped their grandsons become leaders. And when these two grandfathers died, both left their homes to their grandsons. These two men also quickly earned my trust; I would trust each of them with anything of value. It’s obvious they were endowed with trust by their grandfathers.
Future leaders need discernment.
Without discernment, our grandchildren may be vulnerable to the whims of the culture, which seem to get stranger and unhealthier every day. In a world with many shades of gray, discernment is sorely needed.
Teaching discernment means helping our grandkids navigate between what is true and what is false, what is right and what is wrong. They will need discernment as they make all kinds of decisions throughout life—regarding their friends, their lifestyle, the media and entertainment they watch or listen to, the games they play, the money they spend, and ultimately, the life they lead. Where there is little or no discernment, our grandchildren can falter.
One great way to help them grow in discernment by telling stories about good and bad choices we have made and how they have impacted our lives. My grandchildren love to hear me tell about my lack of discernment growing up—and they like to hear those stories over and over.
One of their favorites is the time when I was a boy and was caught stealing two candy bars from a supply for the Girl Scouts just before Halloween. As a consequence, my father didn’t let me trick-or-treat that year. Instead, I had to stand at our front door and pass out candy to all the trick-or-treaters. My grandkids smile with delight when I tell them what that was like, and it becomes a talking point for why we shouldn’t steal.
This is our challenge: At appropriate times in their lives, we should be communicating to our grandchildren about the values and truths that have made a difference for us. Are you looking for teachable moments that come along to briefly share with them about lessons you have learned? Are you open to sharing how those life lessons have made a difference for you?
We also do a lot of teaching through our example over time. Things that are true and authentic should emanate from our speech and our behavior, so we need to live faithfully and stand for what we believe, and create lots of opportunities for our grandkids to become very familiar with us and our values. We can help keep them from being led astray by giving them lots of exposure to our integrity.
May your leadership as a grandparent be purposeful and rewarding at the same time!
How have you tried to shape your grandchildren’s character for the future? Share some wisdom with other grandparents by leaving a comment on our Facebook page here.
