by Dr. Ken Canfield
Sometimes being a grandparent causes us to make some unexpected changes.
When Susan became a grandparent, she certainly felt a lot of joy, but she very quickly came face-to-face with the realization that she needed to make some big changes in her life. She was a very busy person, still working full-time, managing to fit in other social events and various commitments, and basically enjoying life the way she wanted to.
Like many other grandparents, she bought into the notion that I raised my kids, now you raise yours and I’ll be a grandparent when I can. She had spent many years as a single parent, and now she felt she deserved to enjoy her freedom and indulge a little bit.
But Susan’s daughter and son-in-law, being new parents and feeling a new level of responsibility for their child, surprised her with some conditions. Her daughter told her, “We want you to get to know your granddaughter and be part of her life, but if you want to see her a lot then you’ll need to cut back on drinking or quit altogether. We need to be able to trust that you’re sober when you’re with her. And the same with your smoking—I don’t want you smelling like cigarettes when you hold the baby.”
At first Susan was somewhat offended and she pushed back by playing the “accept me as I am” card. But after several months passed and she saw how quickly her first grandchild was growing and changing, her grandmotherly cravings overwhelmed her need for a drink or a smoke. Just like that, she quit her 40-year smoking habit and cut back her drinking to one glass of wine in the evenings, changes she had unsuccessfully tried to make many times.
When I asked Susan about those monumental changes she’d made in order to be in her granddaughter’s life, she simply said,
“Becoming a grandmother was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
In her role as a grandmother Susan found the strength to make better decisions and follow through on her new commitments to a healthier lifestyle. Her granddaughter is five now, and Susan’s resolve continues. She looks forward to the day when her granddaughter is a young adult, when she can tell her some of this story and the difference she made as a baby in a new grandmother’s life.
Susan’s story highlights the profound impact grandchildren can have on our lives, and it isn’t limited to the habits we might need to change. Being a grandparent can have transformative power in several aspects of our lives:
Our Health
Having grandkids will often bring us renewed motivation to adopt healthier habits so we can be more present and active in our grandchildren’s lives. We might be more likely to follow through on an exercise routine or make diet changes or pay more attention to a doctor’s advice. The desires to keep up with energetic toddlers, participate in school events, or simply ensure a longer, healthier future with our grandchildren can be powerful drivers for this.
Personal Growth
Having grandkids can prompt us to learn new things so we can better connect with them. Maybe that will mean learning new technology so we can communicate better with our tech-savvy grandchildren, reading a book or watching videos about lacrosse or robotics so we can have better conversations with them, or even brushing up on our storytelling skills so we can connect with them and share our history and heritage.
Family Dynamics
When we make purposeful efforts to adjust and adapt for our grandchildren, it can often spill over into other relationships and lead to more meaningful connections with our entire family. Being willing to put aside our own preferences for a greater good demonstrates that they are a high priority and builds trust and respect. We’re doing our part to help create the kind of extended family unit that will be a big benefit to our grandkids in many different ways.
What adjustments or life changes have you made because of your grandkids? Share some experiences and insights on our Facebook page here.
This is adapted from Ken’s book, The Heart of Grandparenting.
