by Jay Payleitner
Adapted from his book, Hooray for Grandparents!
Long after you’re gone, you want your grandkids to remember you. Not just from those years during which you were their grandparent. You want them to understand who you were back in your tender years. Back when you were their age. Or when you were just starting out and chasing a dream. When you were daring new conquests and taking on the world, sometimes having to dust yourself off, learn from your mistakes, dig deep, and try again.
The story of your awakening just might provoke them to dream their own dreams and risk their own risks. That’s right…
Your legacy—even after you’re gone—can inspire future generations to greatness.
A middle schooler may not want to listen to their parents drone on and on about “When I was your age …” But they will eagerly listen to long-lost tales from Grandma and Grandpa.
Sure, you’re hesitant. You may be worried about boring them. You may think the lessons you learned decades ago don’t apply to today’s busier, louder, tech-centric world. Memories of your youth may be swirling in a fog that makes them seem irretrievable. You may think your story doesn’t amount to much.
Think again. You learned—and can reinforce—lessons that are applicable and valuable to every generation. How to persevere through disappointments. How to find joy in the moment. How to earn your keep. How to get along with people who are different than you. How to make friends. How the best things in life are free. How to stand up for yourself. How to stand up for the less fortunate. How to see the big picture.
If you don’t remember how you learned those life lessons, let’s get specific.
Here are twelve questions that should trigger memories worth sharing.
- What was unusual about the town or neighborhood in which you grew up?
- Who was your best friend at every age? How did you meet? Are you still friends?
- Did you have a favorite hangout, such as a rec center, park, shopping mall, forest, or vacant lot?
- Were you ever rushed to the hospital, sent to the principal’s office, or stopped by a cop?
- What was your first job? Best job? Worst job?
- Did you have a nickname? What was your reputation?
- What was your favorite subject in school? What did you want to be when you grew up?
- What was your favorite book, movie, television show, music group, or board game?
- What was your best or worst road trip or vacation?
- Who was your first boyfriend or girlfriend? How did you meet? When was your first kiss?
- What is your biggest disappointment or regret? Did you ever lose a friend over something stupid?
- What’s something you did that you never told your parents about?
After that flood of memories, I hope you see that you have much to share. What’s more, you may be thinking, I wish I knew more about my own grandparents. Let that thought and the love for your grandkids spur you into a long season of memory sharing.
Of course, if you talk about failures, make sure you talk about how you overcame them with flying colors. If you talk about horrid experiences, confirm that you survived and can now laugh about them. If you talk about friendships, let your grandkids know that to get a friend you have to be a friend. When talking about your early romances, emphasize the value you discovered in cherishing relationships and fostering mutual respect.
All the while, don’t be too obvious, deliberate, or preachy when delivering life lessons. Just tell your story and you’ll find the truths, warnings, and wisdom flow naturally and, often, unexpectedly.
Read more from Jay at Grandkids Matter here.
How do you share memories and heritage with your grandkids? What are your best tips? Leave a comment and connect with other grandparents on the Grandkids Matter Facebook page here.
Jay Payleitner is a best-selling author of Hooray for Grandparents! and more than a dozen other books on marriage, family, and doing life right, including 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad, 52 Ways to Connect as a Couple, and What If God Wrote Your Bucket List? His weekly podcast is called, “Getting Life Right.” He and his wife, Rita, live near Chicago, where they’ve raised five great kids (and now have eight grandkids) and have loved on ten foster babies. For information on booking Jay to speak at your next event, visit jaypayleitner.com.
