by Ken Canfield, Ph.D.
There’s nothing quite like being a grandparent. There are plenty of rewards and joys and smiles along the way, and in today’s world there are also plenty of challenges. Family life is messy, and extended family relationships are not always a high priority. We’re all in process; we all have lots of room to grow.
Still, there are grand heroes emerging.
There are numerous grandparents doing everything in their power to serve with humility and go the extra mile for their grandchildren. Here are three of many examples I’m familiar with (and whose names have been changed):
Proactive Reconciler
Consider John. When his daughter became pregnant out of wedlock, he didn’t handle it well. She gave birth to a healthy baby girl, but her life was a mess in many ways. John’s disappointment was obvious, and for a while his wife patiently gave him the space to come around. Then eventually she decided it was time to speak truth to him, and she challenged him to reach out to his daughter. This was no easy task for John, but he took his wife’s counsel and his heart softened.
Eventually John was moved to proactively approach his daughter and say, “Sweetheart, I have been wrong to pursue my work and other priorities at the expense of being the dad you needed. Please forgive me. I want to rebuild and renew our relationship and begin one with my granddaughter. I want to become the best granddad I can be!”
Of course, this was exactly what his daughter needed to hear. With tears in her eyes, she said, “Dad, hold me. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. Thank you for loving me again.”
Hindered by Pride
I believe Ruth, too, will likely emerge as a hero one day, but right now the jury is still out. She has agonized for years because her daughter betrayed her, disrespected her, embarrassed the family, and walked away from the family and the faith she tried to instill. The daughter now has two children and is unmarried, and Ruth struggles to see how her forgiveness of her daughter’s offenses will make any difference.
Ruth’s pride and taking offense have kept her from fully grasping that she has had her own struggles and flaws in life, she owns some of the responsibility for the broken trust with her daughter, and she too needs to ask for forgiveness for things she has said and done. Although things will never seem perfect, Ruth can learn to love unconditionally, and perhaps find healing with her daughter and establish a relationship with her grandchildren.
Weary, Yet Determined
The Smiths represent a growing number of grandparents who are seeking access to their grandchildren or seeking primary custody. They hate seeing their grandson being used like a pawn by his father, going back and forth between different living situations, and they have agonized over the decision to actually try to take their grandson away from his father.
But after much prayer and counsel from others, they’re convinced that it’s best for their grandson. They know their home would be a better environment for him, and he wants to live with them. They stepped up to provide care for him when his parents’ relationship was in shambles, and they’re willing to make the necessary sacrifices to raise him full-time. But convincing the court is another story, and the whole ordeal is taking a huge toll on them emotionally and financially. They’re exhibiting courage and strength in hopes of providing their grandson with the spiritual and physical inheritance he deserves.
These don’t seem like the kinds of issues our grandparents had to deal with, but they are reality for so many of today’s grandparents.
As grandparents, when we fully commit to being there for our grands, sometimes we are called to something unexpected, something we didn’t know we were ready for. Sometimes grandparenting requires heroic humility and courage. Sometimes it’s about facing our past or our own character flaws to bring about reconciliation. But connecting hearts and uniting generations is worth it. And the sooner we take the first step, the better.
Let’s not let anything stop us from giving our very best to our grandchildren.
What’s the biggest obstacle you face as a grandparent? What’s one positive step you can take this week? Share an insight and learn from other grandparents on our Facebook page here.
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